I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
