Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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