I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
