the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you're hired as official boob wrangler
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
