i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
