I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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