I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
