I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
