with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
