Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
