Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
