do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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