Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
