Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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