If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we made out on top of his cat.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
