She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
