In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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