He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
