No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
