This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
