Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I deserve this hangover.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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