i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
