He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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