Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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