found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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