Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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