Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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