why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
