I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
