My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize