So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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