I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
