Small penises have feelings too.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
