I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Randomize
