So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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