whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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