so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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