This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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