Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
