Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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