I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
