dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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