Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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