We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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