There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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