Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
