just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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