This girl is more easily done than said...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
handjob tips. give me some.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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