All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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