Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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