nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We need to get me chipped asap
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
