I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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