Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
