We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You pole danced in your parka.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize