lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
