booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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