I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
