I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize