sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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