your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
