If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
