I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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