so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
