My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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