Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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