so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
