all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
