Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
