and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
