my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
