I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
is it fun? or sober?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
