That's intense
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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