Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize