I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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