I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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