if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
