I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
