This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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