Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
