I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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