if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
