Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize