I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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