oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
