I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You are a genius and a whore.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
