we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Reggie can tackle my bush.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
