I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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