I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
