the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
