I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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