I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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