I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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