i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
